Instead of reading these things through, I've been reading the Fifty Shades of Abuse recaps on Wordpress. It's the only way to win — I now know precisely what shittily written scenes have people so enthralled, I have a deeper understanding of the cycle of abuse, and I now understand explicitly why my students' love… » 2/12/15 11:46pm 2/12/15 11:46pm

I was giving Drew Lachey a massage pre-Dancing With The Stars performance, and Joey Fatone tiptoed in, held his finger to his lips with an evil grin, and grabbed Drew's ass as he lay there on the table, face down. Obviously he wanted to make Drew think it was me. I guess by then Drew was pretty down with Joey's… » 1/31/15 11:56pm 1/31/15 11:56pm

Meh, keep your Stiltons. My customers want X-14. (If you get this joke, I love you. Seriously, that book is prescient about things that should not be possible. Global Standard Deity will be a thing next, just wait and see.) » 1/08/15 12:07am 1/08/15 12:07am

(Practicing my consolation speech to Mr. Sparks, ahem.) Well, Nicky, it's a shame to say it, but clearly you were from too different worlds. You were just born on the wrong side of the tracks. And sure, she was yearning for excitement and romance but you have your fun and then it ends. Because you just can't reconcile… » 1/06/15 3:25pm 1/06/15 3:25pm

I cannot wait to see this film this week...and yet, I know I have to prepare myself for the inevitable: people who will speak reverently of Dr. King's bravery in the face of bad people and oppression, and then point out how those protestors these days are just troublemakers and are making things worse and should just… » 12/30/14 1:02am 12/30/14 1:02am

This is hard-hitting stuff, Mark. You know, so many writers interview celebs and just write cheery puff pieces, but we got to see INSIDE the world of Grumpy Cat. AND you have now made me very concerned that GCat's fame may be going to her head. "Is she always this docile? Perhaps after a bit of pharmacological help,… » 11/29/14 7:25pm 11/29/14 7:25pm

MyDearEmerson and I re watched the prequels recently, can't for the life of me remember why, but we mentally substituted Tom Hardy for Anakin, and found ourselves SO INTO IT. As in, actually caring. We mourned for the movie that could have been older, wiser McGregor facing off against a young, impassioned, headstrong,… » 11/18/14 6:57pm 11/18/14 6:57pm